Saudade
by lostinthewords
Summary: Saudade: a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent someone that one loves.


_A/N: This takes place shortly after season 1 finale._

Blake was extra attentive today. Went all the way across town to get her favorite coffee and pastries before she arrived and checked in with her more than usual. He was trying to be discreet but Blake was not made for trade craft. Always ready to end a meeting early or right on time if need be. But it wasn't as if she hadn't been through this enough times to make it through the day. She knew Henry had warned him, he was probably even reporting back to Henry.

That didn't stop Henry from try to get her stay home. He always did, it was easier when she was a professor. Sometimes she had let him convince her with his touch and the soft whispers of love first thing in the morning. But she wasn't a professor anymore and the weight of diplomacy rested on her shoulders.

"Ma'am?" Blake knocked on her door opening it. "Your lunch meeting is here."

"Thank you Blake." She quickly tidied up her desk and steeled herself for whatever diplomat she has to face next.

A smile spread across her face when her husband walked in with her favorite Chinese food. Oh he was good.

She got up to greet him, the kiss lasting a little longer than just a greeting. They're hands intertwined, needing to hold on to his touch. Okay maybe today affected her a little more than she admitted.

"Blake hold everything as long as possible."

He gave a small smile. "Yes, ma'am."

They sat on the couch and ate in silence for a little while. God, she hated silence any normal day but today especially.

"The kids will be home tonight. Stevie's cooking something. It may or may not be vegan so well keep the take out menus on hand."

"Hey it'll taste better than if I were to cook."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Okay maybe not. But if you guys can fake it for me than I can fake it for her."

"How much time do we have left?"

"Probably another 20 min. Blake's been an extra good guard and kept my schedule light today. I can only assume that was you're doing?"

"I plead the fifth." That earned him a glare. "Too soon?"

He snagged her arm before she could throw away the containers that littered the table, snaking them around her, pulling her against him as he laid back on the couch and held her tightly. Her body instinctively responded, relaxing into the warmth of him. She still shut the pain out, once that door opened she wouldn't be able to close it.

"Tell me a story."

"One time during our annual family camping trips we get to the camping grounds only to find out it was closed because they didn't have electricity."

"Why would camping sites need electricity?"

"For the bathrooms. So we go to another park close by and get a camp site there. Everything went smoothly until the sun starts to set and we haven't finished setting things up. So dad turns on the car head lights. We finish unpacking no problem so dad goes to turn off the car but it's locked, while still running. He goes to the ranger station to see if they have something to help us break in but they didn't. While dad is gone Mom, Will and I are playing a card game when Will's eyes go huge! I will never forget the look on his face, he points to the car and says the car is on fire. Mom and I whipped around and sure enough there was steam coming out of the hood. We're freaking out because we can't turn it off and dads gone. He comes back to find us jumping up and down, waving him down. The next thing I know dad is throwing a log through the window to break in the car and turn it off. Turns out the radiator broke so we got it fixed at a gas station right outside the park while we camped and picked it up when it was time to go home."

Henry laughed and shook his head. "I thought my family was crazy."

"Oh they are but so was mine. That's one thing I always loved about them. I always knew everything was going to be okay when everything was going wrong."

"I wish I could've met them."

"They would've loved you."

A knock on the door broke the bubble they were in.

"I'm sorry to interrupt ma'am but it's time for your meeting at the White House."

"Thank you Blake. I'll be right there."

Henry cleaned up the containers while Elizabeth fixed her clothes.

"Bye babe. I'll see you tonight for dinner."

"I'm sure Blake will make sure I make it home."

His hand held onto her waist as he kissed her goodbye.

"Love you."

"Love you too."

* * *

Elizabeth was hit by the familiar smell as soon as she walked in the door.

"Hi mom," Stevie greeted. "I'm making-"

"My mom's lasagna," Elizabeth finished for her. Emotion overwhelmed her, she blinked back the tears threatening to fall.

"And I'm made grandpa's brownies for dessert," Alison said.

Elizabeth looked around the table, everyone was home at the same time, something that didn't happen often since they've moved. It was always how she pictured her life, happy and full of love. She remembers losing sight of that for a few years but then Henry came along and showed her what she was missing. She wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, not even having her parents back although she liked to think Henry and her would still find their way to each other under different circumstances.

Alison asked for stories about them, always the one wanting to know what her grandparents were like. She told them a few, some of her parents, some of her and Will's antics growing up. Eventually, Henry saw how tired she was, her strength waning so they retired to their bedroom for the night leaving the kids with clean up duty.

He saw his wife trying to be strong, it was a habit of hers. She chewed her lips, her gaze trained on the floor as she exited the bathroom in her pajamas. She chose one of his shirts for extra comfort tonight. Keeping a little distance between them she pulled back the covers and laid on her side of the bed, her back to him.

He wanted so badly to reach out, the need to hold and comfort her overwhelming him but he gave her space, knowing she'd seek him out when she was ready.

Her body shook, the door to everything she had shut out was opened, the loss and pain flooded her. She let it pull her under, now that it was just her and Henry, her rock.

"I'm sorry I should be over this by now."

"Shhhh it's okay. Just let it out."

"I just miss them. I wish they were here, they should be here. I want them to know you and the kids." She hiccupped through the sobs.

"I believe they are here with us. They watch over you and the kids, making sure your safe. They know the good and the bad. They would be so proud of the woman you are, the mother you are and of all you've accomplished. Now, your brother they may have some issues with…"

She choked out a laugh, wiping at her tear stained cheeks. "Thank you."

"Always."


End file.
